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[Frozentech]

This went around a few years ago, but I haven't seen it here... ( in place of obvious Americanism's, substitute appropriate British or your local equivalent )

If one or more of your cars are usually parked outside on the driveway...
If, after an airplane crash in a movie, you've ever uttered the comment: "naphthalene"...
If you frequently speak aloud to yourself "I wonder if that'll burn" ...
If a suspicious berm suddenly appears in your backyard...
If you've ever spent an hour or more reading the contents of various solvents at the hardware store...
If you've ever switched long-distance carriers, sold dental work, or donated blood just to raise money for a "fireworks fix"...
If you've ever disassembled a perfectly good firework...
If a hangfire makes you weep like a baby...
If, in the last presidential election, you wrote-in "Shimizu"...
If, beneath the "oohs" and "aaahs" at a July 4th display, you comment to yourself "five inch color-changing saturn"...
If you've ever given up sex to go play with a bowl of wheat paste...
If the screen saver on your computer portrays fireworks...
If your UPS or mail person seems afraid of you...
If you've ever watched the mortars at a display rather than the aerial breaks...
If you have various bicycles and lawn equipment cluttering your garage, even though you own a big shed...
If your phone rings off the wall any time a car backfires or gunshots are heard nearby...
If you've ever considered making sulfur-scented cologne/perfume for your spouse, because it "turns you on"...
If you've ever run a fireworks stand and shot off all the profits...
If your kids correct their teachers: "It's not Elmers, it's PVA"...
If you have a HazMat placard anywhere near your home...
If you spend more on fireworks than Christmas presents...
If your spouse just left you, your cable TV was disconnected, and your dog died, but you're still beaming because you just received some 2 micron magnesium...
If all your deadbeat in-laws and neighbors that you never see all year suddenly show up on the 4th...
If you have ever used any of the following in a way not intended by the manufacturer: coffee creamer, cat litter, sugar, ping pong balls, cupcake papers, tapioca, curtain rods, or moth balls...
If you have ever shoveled a ton of sand in the blazing sun for no pay...
If, while at work, you've ever doodled on a notepad a tool, composition, or assembly diagram...
If you associate Bob Lazar with something other than Area 51...
If your enjoyment of a fireplace is overpowered by a nagging desire to analyze the flame color...
If you've ever travelled to another state to bring back "contraband" ...
If you have any hole saws with the pilot bit removed...
If, during sex, you've ever fantasized about setting off a gabe mort...
If you've ever begged for film cannisters, brake turnings, or a spent camera...
If "for sale" signs frequent the lawns on either side of you...
If your bank makes automated payments to Harry each month...
If you've ever turned down a job offer because it would mean moving to a fireworks-hostile state...
If you know the heat of decomposition of potassium perchlorate...
If your idea of a great Friday night is curling up in front of a fire with the CRC handbook...
If you consult any NFPA document before buying a new home...
If you've ever kept any tubes from spent fireworks...
If you know what the 10-finger salute is...
If you're famous for your 9-finger salute...
If you know the manufacturer's part number for any fireworks...
If your clothing decision each morning is basically "which PGI shirt to wear today?" ...
If you know the difference between HE and LE, and can waste at least one hour arguing whether flash detonates...
If you show an apparent sudden interest in ceramics, rock tumbling, gun reloading, or hydroponic gardening...
If you think "gun control" means digging, staking, or sandbagging...
If you are an expert at identifying various species of trees....
If you've ever hugged your UPS driver...
If you've ever spent your grocery money on fireworks, just because you had to outdo the neighbors...
If you have on your premises a copy of any State or Federal legislation...
If you remember little of last night's rock concert except for the flashpots...
If you've ever called the BATF or CPSC...
If you've smelled the smoke, and don't want to be free...
If you've ever painted over a missing piece of eyebrow or mustache...
If you've ever been asked by a neighbor "What's that incessant grinding sound?"...
If you ever volunteer free advice to fellow customers at a fireworks store...
If you can stay awake 'til the wee hours reading MSDS sheets, but fall asleep during the final episode of "Seinfeld"...
If you know that "black body radiation" isn't a racial slur...
If a label reading "Warning! Strong oxidizer" makes you giggle like a schoolgirl...
If, at a public display, you're the only one who doesn't say "cool!" when a low break engulfs the crew...
If you've ever dug "black" out of any body orifice...
If CATO has nothing to do with O.J. Simpson or Inspector Clouseau...
If you're a Republican, but still can't stand Giuliani...
If you quit your job as a lumberjack because it just wasn't dangerous enough...
If you're certain Jimi Hendrix' lyrics "...kiss the sky" were about an 8" purple chrysanthemum...
If you periodically roam your property, dynamite in hand, searching for trees that are the least bit bothersome...
If you've reached your 50 pound/year limit for BP, and it's only the middle of January...
If your social life can be summed up in three words: pyro chat room...
If you've ever been seen with "Air float goggle face"...
If you consume more benzoyl peroxide than a whole busload of pubescent teenagers...
If you have a class 1 magazine in your yard but no grass...
If you have piles of sand all over the yard...
If there are burn circles all over the yard...
If you have to resharpen your lawnmower blades once a month from hitting all the cardboard fragments in your yard...
If your bicycles have no wheels because they've been used to create girandola launch turntables...
If the only reason you work at a photo center is so you can keep the disposable cameras for electronic triggers...
If you can blow a whole morning in a feed store or vet supply and you don't even have an animal...
...you might be a pyro.

If, after a spell of depression, your wife finds you hanging from a length of sticky match, and finds a suicide note that says, "Bury me with my 2 micron Mg..."
If your internet screen name has the word "pyro" in it...
If the names Max and Super Chick make you smile...
If as a young boy you had odd silver-colored fingers...
If you ever yelled "DUCK" to a friend as a tin can flew by your head...
If you ever had a sore heel from "too many duds"...
If you're the only one in a crowd that doesn't flinch in reponse to a strange loud BANG...
If you fondly remember yelling "Cops! Ditch it!" as a boy...
If your toy army men survived real explosions...
If you're glad you still have most of your fingers and toes...
If a neighborhood pharmacist ever asked you "Why do you need that?"...
If you ever lied by saying "Ah...for a school project"...
If you have ever seen what a shell break looks like from darn close to its center...
If you have frequently spent your favorite holiday digging holes in the ground...
If your idea of lighter is a can of napalm...
If you wake up in the morning to the sound of your dad screaming "WHERE IS MY PORCH, AND WHERE DID ALL THESE DAMNED ASHES COME FROM"...
If the sound of a fire being put out makes you cry...
If you can burn all the hair off of your best (and only) friend's face without burning their face...
If you no longer consider getting a second-degree burn painful, in fact, you almost think of it as pleasant...
If after your demise you ask to have your ashes placed into a 16" shell for "one last shot!"...
If every time you look at your 6 inch gun, you wonder how much 36 mesh charcoal you have to add to your rocket comp, and how long that 2 by 4 must be to balance the thing...
If neighbors start to see lightning and thunder on clear nights...
If the Fourth of July is a major religious holiday in your home...
If for some mysterious reason your neighbor's grass clippings & tree trimming start to disappear around the Fourth of July, New years, Feb. 13-15, 1st-2nd week of Aug., etc....
If your pet dog's names are thunder and lightning...
If your neighbour asks the local fire department "How much gunpowder can legally be stored in a house?", and the fire department calls you for advice...
If you think that the local airport would make a fantastic launch site if it wasn't for all those airplanes...
...you might be a pyro.

If you go to a play and check for 15' clearance from the front row...
If you have ever convinced the director that "Guys and Dolls" really needs pyro...
If the first things you notice about a theater are trim height, fire extinguisher placement and ventilation system...
If an actor has ever seen you onstage and asked "Is it safe?"...
If an actor has ever seen you backstage and asked "Is it safe?"...
If you know the local fire inspector on a first name basis...
If you can quote any or all of NFPA-1126 by memory, but don't remember what month it is...
If Halloween is considered a religious holiday in your household...
If you've ever thought of starting your own religion so you can legally set off firecrackers in public...
If you have visited this web page...
If every time there is an article in the local newspaper about an explosion your friends at work ask if you were involved...
If after finishing a box of cereal or crackers you inspect the thickness and area of the chipboard wondering how many discs you can get for canister shells...
If you believe the finest phrase in the English language is "Bulk Salutes"...
If you use BP as a seasoning on your steak...
If you can identify the type of material used in an explosion more than 5 blocks away...
If your favorite Sunday clothes are made of Kevlar...
If your favorite hobby is the volunteer fire department...
If you change your wedding anniversary to July 4th...
If you break all speed limits to make it to the other side of the state by dusk...
If your screen has the word pyro written on it...
If your house is missing drainpipes...
If on cracker night you yell to the missus "In case something were to happen to me, I leave all of my possessions to you!"...
If you notice you have no backyard and just dirt...
If you have had to wear a hat to school for a week cuz you dont have any hair anymore...
If your neighbor has to call and ask if it's safe to come outside...
If a typical sunday afternoon for you involves the word napalm...
If people mistake you for Don King...
If you think HazMat Placards make your car look "cool"...
If after fireing a tube shot you sniff it for a rush...
If you've ever used black powder in the same manner and with the same results as Wile E. Coyote...
If you've ever given fireworks as a gift, to repay a favor or debt, or otherwise used them as a form of currency...
If you own an extensive range of clothing with small burn holes...
If your hire company asks you to leave the windows down when you return the van...
If you visit Dimock's page twice a day, just to see if a new article has been added...
If you where ever banned from liting a bunson burner in chemistery class...
If you have a CDL with an explosives endorsement only so you can go shopping for fireworks...
If the fire department does practice runs to your house on a regular basis...
If your insurance company wont give you fire coverage on your house...
If you L-O-V-E the "rotten egg" smell of freshly fired mortars...
If you ask your chemistry teacher "Will any of the labs this year involve exothermic reactions?"...
If the hazmat disposal guy calls you to see if YOU can make a pickup from him...
If you are excited by the prospect of "bottom shots," and you're not in a strip joint...
If you've ever spent a night or two at the fabulous "Hotel DeWille"...
If you consider wearing heavy duty cotton coveralls with lots of tiny little burn holes in them on a hot summer night a "fashion statement"...
If you know the difference between a fuse and a fusee...
If you've ever spent your anniversary shooting a show instead of taking your wife out to dinner...
If you've ever wished you could be a dragon dancer, and you aren't Chinese...
If you know Chrys N. Themum's real name...
If you consider 3" round aerial salutes "small party poppers"...
If smoke puffs frequently come from your backyard...
If you suddenly drop what you are doing and stare at the commercial on T.V. simply because it has fireworks in the background...
If it is 3 a.m. in the morning and you are sending additions to this list...
If you've ever asked your kids three days before Christmas what day it is and they answered "195 days till the 4th of July"...
If your teenage daughter complains that all the boys are afraid of what might happen if they upset her...
If a "magazine" is NOT something you read...
If your neighbors no longer call 911 when they hear loud explosions...
If you drive 1800 miles nonstop to see a shoot, and buy $2000 for your 4th, and you have no gas money left to get back...
If you wake up July 5th in the hospital...every year...
If a bright blue spot in your field of vision brings back fond memories...
If "boom" was one of your toddler's first ten words...
If you've ever acted shocked and disgusted after a cherry b**b's report to avoid suspicion...
If there is a conspicuous correlation between the destinations of your family vacations and the nearest fireworks/chemical vendors...
If you wake up w/ multiple 2nd degree burns, but a smile on your face...
If you think firefighters are just out to spoil your fun...
If when traveling down the road and someone's catalytic converter died, instead of being disgusted you get nostalgic...
If when traveling down the road and someone's catalytic converter died, instead of being disgusted you get nostalgic...
If you have ever walked down the fallout area in your wedding Dress (and pumps)...
If you have ever seen a shell go up and muttered under your breath "C'mon break!"...
If your musical taste revolves around what tunes go well with fireworks...
If you just can't throw away the toilet paper cardboard...
If you cringe thinking about the chances you took in the past and thankfully got away with...
If your wife complains about unidentifiable matter on the stove...
If you own a collection of fireworks wrappers...
If you hope for a flat tire while driving at night so you can light the flare...
If you gaze lustfully at cardboard tubes...
If you go to a funeral and are introduced with: "This is the guy I was telling you about"...
If you watch the XFL games on television to see the fireworks...
If while on vacation you rent a U-haul trailer for your return trip home...
If you've managed to read all these lines...

... you might be a pyro.

[sizzle]

Well, thats me done, I'm definately a pyro...

[Ritual33]

I gave up halfway down!
Nice though...

If you've ever considered making sulfur-scented cologne/perfume for your spouse, because it "turns you on"...

Hehe

[sizzle]

mmm... the smell of burnt sulphur...

[GuiltyCol]

That reads like my 201 things to do before I die list!

[The_Djinn]

okay, ran into theis video clip....

http://uk.rd.yahoo.c...inds/hotdog.wmv

Mark

[sizzle]

Well, that's funny and upsetting at the same time! The poor dog could have been seriously imjured! not to mention the people there. But on a happier note, that was funny!

[Damp Squib]

Some of those sent chills down my spine can pyro be in your genes? I still dont understand why everyone I know doesnt like the smell of sulphur/

EDIT forgot the video that was hilarious and lucky

Edited by Damp Squib, 31 January 2006 - 06:23 PM.

[zookeeper]

List has been printed and will be posted at the shop, I think you covered it all.


My personal FAVs:

If your clothing decision each morning is basically "which PGI shirt to wear today?" ...

The manufacturer shirts are the best, "Sticky Match" is my fav. 'Sunny' is always too small

If you have ever seen a shell go up and muttered under your breath "C'mon break!"...
If your musical taste revolves around what tunes go well with fireworks...
If, at a public display, you're the only one who doesn't say "cool!" when a low break engulfs the crew...
If you're the only one in a crowd that doesn't flinch in reponse to a strange loud BANG...
If you have frequently spent your favorite holiday digging holes in the ground...
If the first things you notice about a theater are trim height, fire extinguisher placement and ventilation system...

...the low break and c'mon break ones... kinda' aint' funny

If you know the local fire inspector on a first name basis...

Doug, Jimmy, Mark, David T., the list goes on and on..

If you visit Dimock's page twice a day, just to see if a new article has been added...

Tom works for us, known him for years, a very cool dude

If you've ever spent a night or two at the fabulous "Hotel DeWille"...

Uh..er...um...yeah

[EnigmaticBiker]

okay, ran into theis video clip....

http://uk.rd.yahoo.c...inds/hotdog.wmv

Mark

That was hilarious, funniest clip I've seen in years.

Amazing how it didn't seem bothered by the noise/recoil/heat.

Simon